What a friggen week.

Work has been crazy for me the past week and I am sure it'll be just as crazy this coming one as well. Kitchen work sucks and I am on such a tight schedule I barely have time to scratch my ass let alone do any writing. I thought in my laziness today I could force something out.

Went to a birthday party yesterday with a heap of people I didn't really know. It was interesting and the funny part was I wasn't anxious at all. Granted I had a few drinks and that calmed me a bit but other than that no anxiety attacks. My therapist Paul would have been proud I think. I did what he said talked a heap of small talk and just got through it. It really helped that Mik and his family were there to be my safety net.

Now that I've gotten through that test I have to just keep it up until I become comfortable and it becomes second nature. I CAN DO IT.

All for now. Think of me as I am sweating my ass off and schmoozing with the oldies at work!

An actual post.

So, it's turning into winter here. I am loving the cooler weather, seems like summer goes on for half a year here in South Australia. Cool weather makes me feel all romantic and like the holidays should be coming up but alas, on the other side of the planet no holidays in sight.

I've been thinking a lot and I really need to get back into writing. I miss going deep within myself and spewing my inner most me onto a page. It makes me remember that I do feel, and that I do have the ability to express myself in a creative outlet. I like to bottle things up sometimes and it's easier to just push my feelings away and deal with them later on. Which as everyone knows always leads to some major explosion or breakdown.

I need to learn to love life no matter what it throws at me and to think of hurdles as minor speed bumps. As my psychologist says " It may be uncomfortable, but it won't cause you physical pain." Which seems to be working for me when I know shitty situations are inevitable.

I've been thinking about my cousin a lot lately. I really look up to him. He's living his life the way he wants. Creating amazing music, performing, writing, and just living life. He always tells me how much I rock but, I really just don't feel it! I suppose I just can't see what another sees. He makes me miss home and all the time I have missed out with everybody. All the times I have missed out on getting to know everybody and to involve myself with people I love so much. It makes me feel guilty that I have distanced myself so much all these years. I guess it was inevitable as I get older that these thoughts come into my brain.

I am very lucky to have traveled as much as I have but it has always come at a cost.


I suppose that's all for now. If anyone actually reads this anymore I will try and keep up with the blog even if it's only once a week.