Took to many codeines..I feel pretty numb...feels good right now...Sometimes I wonder if i'm crazy sometimes..I think I may be..But not crazy enough to be thrown into a hospital...That would break me I believe..I am praying what little strength I have left and what strength he's extending to me will be enough to get me through this bullshit.

I wonder lots...Is it enough to ruin someones heart in order to appease mine?
Will I be able to make it alone...while I wait for my knight?
Am I going to let this fear take over me and stifle what could be?

Am I so cold? So fucking selfish...A liar...Do I deserve any happiness?

Help me....hold me....push me.....love me...take me....

If I can't get through this...I mine as well roll over and die.