The air is going crisp
fall is fading to winter
the rain is growing colder
only a matter of time before
it turns white
covering the ground in thick blankets
numbing my face
and my heart
that yearns to be beside you
the warmth you bring
your infectious smile
is the only thing that sets my heart and mind ablaze
youre the last thing I expected in my life
so good
and clean
your love washing away the frosty numbness
bringing that glimmer of hope
making me heat up with emotion
melting
away this pending winter frost

Ive found the love of my life...
He is so far away
The pain of being apart
Its almost too hard to bare sometimes
Those eyes beckoning me
comforting me in my turbulant and miserable times
You bring me out...
I used to say
Fuck this world
and everyone in it
I didnt believe that love could really happen to me
Until you
Thats when the color came back into my life
the beauty
Youve shown me...a better way
Opened my eyes
my heart
and my mind
I love you
for this.
and all the other experiences
our future holds
The good and bad things
The ugly and beautiful things
I want to share them all
with you
The love of my life

Q&A

I got this from some other guy's blog and thought it was kinda neat it's just a bunch of questions to answer and hopefully someone will see them and answer them..Pass em along

1.What is your name? Erica
2.Color of the pants you are currently wearing? Blue Jeans
3.What are you listening to right now? Bill O'Reilly on FOX news and the hum of my computer
4.What was the last thing you ate? Ice cream and apples
5.Favorite time of the day? between 230-4am
6.What color crayon are you? Midnight blue
7.How is the weather right now? typical fall day
8.Last person you talked to on the phone? My dad
9.How are you today? OOOK
10.Favorite drink? Chocolate milk
11.Favorite alcholic drink? Bloody Mary's
12.Favorite sport? Hockey
13.Hair color? Brown
14.Eye color? hazel
15.Contacts or glasses? None yet
16.Number of siblings? 1 and a half
17.Favorite month? October
18.Favorite food? Pickles
19.Last movie watched? Family guy-Stewie the untold story
20.Favorite day of the year? Halloween
21. What do you do to vent? Write like the dickens
22.Favorite childhood toy? My make believe kitchen set
23.Summer or winter? Both...There are lots of cool things you can do in both summer and winter
24.Hugs or kissses? Both...you can't have one without the other
25.Chocolate or vanilla? Both...depends on what Im in the mood for
26.What you like most about your partner (my soulmate)? He fills my empty spaces and makes me laugh
27.Who is mostly to respond to this? I donno
28.Least likely? People who have a life
29.Living arrangements? Living with the wrath in 2 bedroom apartment.
30.When was the last time you cried? Last night
31.What is under your bed? Probably one of the cats..and other assorted junk
32.Who is he friend youve had the longest? ME
33.What did you do last night? Jack shit
34.Favorite smell? Camp fire
35.Who inspires you? My brightspot
36.What are you afraid of? Being alone
37.Plain, buttered, or salted popcorn? a little bit o butter an salt
38.Favorite car or truck? 69 nova ss
39.Favorite flower? I like all flowers
40.Number of keys on your key ring? 5..one for the security door..one for the apartment door..one for the bedroom door..and one for the lockbox and the mail key
41.Can you juggle? NOPE
42.Favorite day of the week? Everyday I get to talk to my brightspot
43.What did you do on your last birthday? Went downtown and played pool
44.Do you own a donor card? Nope..everytime I can get one I get a new tatoo or peircing which prohibits me from donating blood. Plus Im a woose.

Now here comes the guilt part of todays programming

I swear to god he's fkn crazy
one minute he is treating me like a peice of shit
the next hes begging me not to leave
Im so angry it boggles my mind
How anyone can go to that extreme in a meer matter of hours
Im wondering if its me
do I set him off

Is it even really me?
then he plays on my sympathy for him
and then the guilt rolls in

am I allowed to be happy
am I a bad person



FUCK THAT BULLSHIT
Im not going to live my life scared
to take the wrong step
always having to put myself away


all I need is my sun by my side
and my ever growing confidence and independance

First kisses

Imagining our first kiss
the butterflys in my stomach come alive
Tickling me on the inside
Your hands cradling my face
you looking deep into my eyes telling me you love me with out words
Thinking of how it will be when your soft lips grace mine
slow
exploring
taking our breath away
making us giggle with content
comming back again for another taste
parting my lips letting you in
discovering each others tongues
making me lose my breath once again
melting into you

Greedy Jealousy

When you arent with me..my heart feels like its being split..in two
I get so fucking jealous...when I know others get to experience you
Am I being selfish?
Needy
Just regular old crazy me
I am afraid..my want for you..my desire..my love for you is going to push you away
before this even starts
Why must I be so needy
So damned self conscious
You fill my voids...my uncomfortableness...me
and when youre gone...all I have are thoughts of you
to fill what empty parts I have
its like a fog...that slowly dissapates throughout the day
and then my greed for you
takes over
returns....for another day...

Lovers

You and I

Brightspot

You're my brightspot
the one thing besides sleep
and dreaming that keeps me going
during these hellishly lonely days
You're personality shines through this darkness
like a beacon in the night
so beautiful so hopeful
keeping me going during this aweful tempest
your light calms
the storms within me
making me want to walk to the ends of the earth for just
a speck of your light
to feel the warmth
to bathe in your raw passion and emotion
that i have numb to for so long
im drawn to your light like a moth to a flame
ignoring the storm churning and crashing around me
keeping my eyes on your light
falling deeper
under your beautiful spell

Marks smile