Took to many codeines..I feel pretty numb...feels good right now...Sometimes I wonder if i'm crazy sometimes..I think I may be..But not crazy enough to be thrown into a hospital...That would break me I believe..I am praying what little strength I have left and what strength he's extending to me will be enough to get me through this bullshit.

I wonder lots...Is it enough to ruin someones heart in order to appease mine?
Will I be able to make it alone...while I wait for my knight?
Am I going to let this fear take over me and stifle what could be?

Am I so cold? So fucking selfish...A liar...Do I deserve any happiness?

Help me....hold me....push me.....love me...take me....

If I can't get through this...I mine as well roll over and die.

Ah this depression bullshit is starting again..and exactly the wrong moment...the moment I have to be the strongest...for me and for him..I can just feel myself slipping deeper and deeper back into that fucking hole...when is it just going to close up..seal up so I can't slide back down that bitch..

I pray all this makes me stronger...and doesn't jade me to the point where I can't recover...from the drugs..from my broken promises...that grip on my emotions

Reality

I am so tired
My eyes are so heavy
but my brain wont let them close
my body feels sluggish
warm
begging for sleep
peace
solitude
its my only escape
the drugs dont work anymore
sleep eternal
I yearn for rest of the soul of the mind