Wednesday, September 14, 2005

I fuckin hate myself


COULD THAT BE MY PROBLEM?
Im really one fucked up chick..I mean I sat there in the dark all fucked up tonight..my emotions just flowing through my veins..I couldnt even cry...Just layed there watching the shapes in the dark ..letting my eyes focus..and refocus again....


WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??
Am I really this fucked up
am i even
a human....

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Ophelia



QUEEN GERTRUDE: There is a willow grows aslant a brook,
That shows his hoar leaves in the glassy stream;
There with fantastic garlands did she come
Of crow-flowers, nettles, daisies, and long purples
That liberal shepherds give a grosser name,
But our cold maids do dead men's fingers call them:
There, on the pendent boughs her coronet weeds
Clambering to hang, an envious sliver broke;
When down her weedy trophies and herself
Fell in the weeping brook. Her clothes spread wide;
And, mermaid-like, awhile they bore her up:
Which time she chanted snatches of old tunes;
As one incapable of her own distress,
Or like a creature native and indued
Unto that element: but long it could not be
Till that her garments, heavy with their drink,
Pull'd the poor wretch from her melodious lay
To muddy death.
-Hamlet

Monday, September 12, 2005

Oh whatta Night



Its called descent...I thought it was beautiful...I am really trying to dig deep within my soul...trying figure out my path in this world...feeling like i am lost...percieving myself as just a tiny part of this infinite universe...Where do I fit in..

Tonight I ended up looking up a bunch of shit...the history of peircing, arabic tatoos, fallen angels.
Some really cool stuff.
I was thinking tonight...im a political freak..NOBODY thinks the way I do...and there doesnt seem to be any hope..how depressing...fuck I dont even wanna think about that shit...but..anyways I also was looking at those vnv nation lyrics..wow..a buddy of mine commented on how deep the lyrics are..and I would have to agree...even if you dont like industrial music the words are complex enough to enjoy.
Also I met this fellow on yahoo he plays a variety of instruments and is wicked talented hes sent me a couple of links for his music...But im going to ask his permission first...I guess thats all for tonight..I will be posting some pictures I found tonight tommorow night most likely as well as some I took with the web cam!

Foreword
This is your world.These are your people.You can live for yourself today,or help build tomorrow for everyone.
VNV Nation

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Sober entry

I figured once..I could write a sober entry. See how it all pans out. Lately I've really be trying to look within myself...Figure out who I am and what I really want..Been trying to immerse myself in writting but again I suppose I cant do much if I'm not sober...And I think whatever brain cells I might have had have been pissed up a rope...Ah I cant write right now..Too much crap to do..But today will be a duel entry....

Simplicity

Saturday, September 10, 2005

What the fuck is this thing about?

So I'm looking over this blog..And IM thinking what the hell is this really about?
am I lonely?
am I bored?
am I fucked up?
I feel a bit better when I create one o these blog things...Maybe its the creativity of it ( although limited)?
I don't know most of the time I'm doing this IM pretty ripped so I cant ever expect it to make sense I suppose...
Well I've run out of thoughts for tonight what a horrible entry...I've got a topic for tomorrow night I will try and take my time and make some kind of sense.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Scattered thoughts...Make sense of them later!

SCATTERED THOUGHTS
Last night I was so tired all I could do was post that picture of myself...Again doesn't this seem a bit self absorbed. I've been thinking about this blog as well lately and feel guilty about it...I feel like I'm hiding things from people by even having this Blog aka diary. Even my boyfriends commenting on my silence..But I cant help it..The stresses here are unbelievable..At 26 I should be worrying about things other then the end of the world and the plight of human beings everywhere......Money...And the horrible crime out there...Everyday a phrase comes to mind....Ignorance is bliss...Then all I would have to worry about is living...Taking care of myself..A good man...And a family when I was comfortable
But then here comes the guilt...My attachment..But the guilt is worse then anything it eats away at me constantly.....
MAKE SENSE OF IT LATER

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Shooting star

Tonight I saw a shooting star...the second unique thing ive seen in the past few days...the other night the northern lights were dancing across the sky in blues and greens it was one of the most beautiful sites ive seen in a long time..maybe its somebody or something trying to tell me something?
Tirrrred time to dream about Ireland.