Lying in a warm bath
my thoughts slowed by the heat of the water
feeling dizzy
my face growing hot
sweat dripping down my face.
I take the razor
looking at my reflection
seeing all my demons
clearer than ever before
making me cry out
to god
or whatever divine force is up above
tell me which way to go
hearing nothing
except the static
thats growing louder in my ears
drowning out the dripping of the tap
the sound of the razor
being slid off the edge of the tub
drowning out my now shallow breath
looking at my reflection
the beautiful way it shines in my hand
Thinking for a moment is this a mistake
short lived like everything else in my life
isnt long before I firm my mind
letting the heat and the static take over
bearing my wrist
introducing it to the blade
slowly sliding it up my arm
as the blood begins to escape
dripping down my arm
I watch it as it pours into the hotwater
swirling and mixing
dizzyness and confusion comes quickly
I can feel every heartbeat
every pulse of blood
flowing through my body
and out of my arm
I lay back naked
alone
bleeding
and dying
my eyes going dark
my breath becoming still
fading
fading
into oblivion

Just fucking around Part 2

Just fucking around

No, A 3 year old didn't draw this I did!

Blog war holiday truce.

Take your Christmas and shove it!

Christmas is so damned depressing. I know they say people are generally more depressed at this time of year. But OMG. What the hell is wrong with me:-(
I haven't even been able to write in days.
Hence the extra lame blog entrys.
*sigh*
thats all for now
bah humbug
grinchy grinch and all that fun stuff.

Somewhere in between
I can't be losing sleep
over this, no I can't
and now I cannot stop pacing
give me a few hours
I'll have this sorted out
if my mind would just stop racing

cause I cannot stand still
I can't be this unsturdy
this cannot be happening

this is over my head
but underneath my feet
cause by tommorow morning
I'll have this thing beat
and everything will be back to the way it was
I wish that it was just that easy

cause I'm waiting for tonight
and then I'm waiting for tommorow
and I'm somewhere in between
what is real and just a dream

would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
don't be surprised if I collapse
down at your feet again
I don't want to run away from this
I know that I just don't need this

Cause I cannot stand still
I can't be this unsturdy
this cannot be happening, yeah

cause I'm waiting for tonight
and then waiting for tomorrow
and I'm somewhere in between
what is real and just a dream
what is real and just a dream
what is real and just a dream
what is real and just a dream




Everything

Find me here
and speak to me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
you are the light
that's leading me
to the place
where I find peace again

you are the strength
that keeps me walking
you are the hope
that keeps me trusting
you are the life
to my soul
you are my purpose
your'e everything

and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this yeah

you calm the storms
and you give me rest
you hold me in your hands
you won't let me fall
you still my heart
and you take my breath away
would you take me in
take me deeper now

and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this


and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
woudl you tell me
how could it be any better than this

cause you're all I want
you're all I need
you're everything
everything

you're all I want
you're all I need
you're everything
everything

you're all I want
you're all I need
you're everything
everything

and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this

and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this






Simon

catch your breath
hit the wall
scream out loud
as you start to cral
back in your cage
the only place
where they will
leave you alone
cause the weak will seek the weaker till theyve broken them
could you get it back again
would it be the same
fulfillment to their lack of strangth at your expense
left you with no defense
they tore it down

and I have felt the same
as you I've felt the same
as you I've felt the same
as you I've felt the same

locked inside
the only place
where you feel sheltered
where you feel safe
you lost yourself
in your search to find
something else to hide behind
cause the fearful always preyed upon your confidence
didnt they see the consequence
they pushed you around
the arrogant build kingdoms made of the different ones
breaking them till they've become
just another crown

and I have felt the same
as you Ive felt the same
as you ive felt the same
as you ive felt the same

refuse to feel
anything at all
refuse to slip
refuse to fall
cant be weak
cant stand still
watch your back
cause no one will

you don't know why they had to go this far
traded your worth for these scars
for your only company
and don't believe the lies that they have told to you
not one word was true
youre alright
youre alright
youre alright

and I have felt the same
as you ive felt the same
as you ive felt the same
as you ive felt the same

Fkn lyrics

Ever (foreign flag)





You make that dance look so new
And I'm on a face like you've never seen
I'm yours tonight
So come on

Light up the stage
So we can all take off anywhere
We'll never come back ever


You wear that cast so cool
And I'm on a face like you've never seen
Before around
So come on


Light up the stage
So we can all take off anywhere
We'll never come back ever


Right on the stage
You picture all of us everywhere
We'll never come back ever




Your skull is red

Your skull is red (fingernail red)
Your bones are red
And it feels gold

Your lungs are red(fingernail red)
Your clothes are red
And it feels gold

Blog WAAAARS!

You have your hussys I have mine

Hows this for your PF scale gotta love a national socialist in a uniform!

Erica-ism's

Brightspot-Any of the few things that makes me smile.
Craptabulous-An annoying and boring day.
Domesticated-Any man or women who can cook, clean, and generally handle a domestic life.
Fantabulous-Fantastic and eventful day
Fuzzy/Fuzzies-Those feelings that special someone gives you in your stomach by mearly just being around.
Hoo-hoo-Cack.
Lane-With holding something for an excessive amouth of time.
Melt-When you get the fuzzies all the way into your chest.
Miserable-Depths of despair.
Snuzzles-Better than snuggles. Passionate and meaningful cuddling, kissing, and touching.
Wrath-The worst influence in my life so far.
Yum-Sexy.

Fuck

Go fuck yourself.
I fucking love you.
What the fuck?
Holy fuck!
Geezus fucking criste.
Fucking great.
Ah fuck!

I want you right fucking now.
Shit! Fuck!
Fuck you.
Get the fuck away from me!
Fuck this!
For fuck sakes!
Fucking eh!
Don't be a fucking pussy.
Bloody fucking hell.
Fucking bullshit.

i go through the motions
hopeing that if i dont complain too much
you will throw me a scrap of emotion
so fucking needy
why do i even bother with this shell that is me
none of this heartache will help me
when i am dead
these feelings wasted on so much pain
my mind is so different now
defeated beat down like a lame animal
no fucking glimmer of hope
for me
not today
not ever

You sit there and talk shit about me to your family
When all Iv'e done for you is stick up for you
Defend you even on your worst fucking days
I stood by you when your wife left
even when you still call her your wife
even when you degrade me
even after youve changed my mind
and made me completely different
inside and out youve hardend my heart
numbed my emotions
i'm afraid of everyone
I'm especially afraid of myself
of having happyness
fuck your chains
and your degradation
and the ugliness you've brought to my heart
One of these days I wont be here...
To push around
or be used
then you can truely make your miserable life happy

Me

E-rotic
R-adical
I-ntense
C-aring
A-morous


L-inda
Y-oYo
N-ervous
N-utty


H-umorous
E-ntertaining
N-eedy
N-ifty
E-ccentric

TUGGING AT THE HEART STRINGS OF OUR INTENSE EMOTIONS
THE SLIGHTEST HINT AT ROMANCE
SENDS MY HEART AND MIND SOARING AND FLUTTERING
LIKE THE BUTTERFLYS
CRASHING AND TICKLING MY STOMACH
AT THE MENTION OF WARMTH

SENDS WAVES OF HEAT
EXACTLY TO THE RIGHT SPOTS
MAKING ME CRAVE FOR YOUR TOUCH
EVEN MORE WITH EACH PASSING HINT

WE ARE CONNECTED

KNOWING WHAT EACHOTHER ARE THINKING
EVEN BEFORE THE OTHER HAS TIME
TO EXPRESS IT THROUGH WORDS
ALWAYS ASTONISHING EACHOTHER
BECAUSE OF THE SHORTNESS OF OUR COMPANIONSHIP
BUT ALWAYS LEAVING OUR BODIES, HEARTS, AND SPIRITS
OPEN
TO WHAT WE HAVE NOW
AND WHAT MIGHT BE

Jigsaw

(Note to reader...Madder Mortem is a kick ass band...and i loved this songs lyrics. I thought Id share them.)




Words vomited into a face
Cold leavings, there's only bleak and lifeless duty
Moan into my ear, though i know
You would break me but i will watch you choke
I'll tear myself into peices
And grow stronger and colder
I turn the tables on you
There's no place to hide
I tear myself into peices
There's nothing here to hold me
I tell myself apart from you
Above and beyond
I tear myself into peices
Know i'm beyond all dispair
Dont turn your back on me again,
Transcribing my name to nothing
Hope a saviour with all fingers crossed
I slip on my gloves and carve a flawless icon
Into pieces
I tear myself into peices
Placeing me where i belong
Outside all soft dreams and outside the throng
Fools
The error is all in yourselves
The ideal is pure and cruel and nauseates you
So give me the crown and the throne
I render you dead and tear all you completed
Into pieces

Can I even do this
Is my will and determination strong enough
I am looking into the unknown
Staring deep into the possibilitys
Seeing flashes of brightness and hope
I get glimpses that are frightening as well
frightening enought to test my resolve
enought to tear my fragile confidence into peices
I start to question myself
and those are the times I feel the weakest
Doubting my decisions
only when your face comes into view
my will returns
the light bursts from the darkness
warms my face
my heart
rejuvinates my soul
you push me foreward with all your might
while the wrath is pushing me back down
youre goodness and love makes me want to fight foreward
to begin
this new journey
of hope
of fear
of love
and beauty

STRUGGLING WITH MY DEMONS
EVERYDAY
THE COLDNESS I HAVE WITHIN ME
SLOWLY FREEZING MY HEART
TRANSFORMING ME INTO
THIS CREATURE DEVOID OF FEELING
SELFISH AND ANGRY AND UGLY
I BRING HURT AND FRIDGEDNESS TO THOSE AROUND ME
WITH THE TRUTH OF THE FUTURE
AND THE LIES OF THE PAST
I LEAVE PEOPLE NUMB
AFTER THEY'VE EXPERIENCED THE BEING THAT IS ME
MAKING THEM FEAR THE FUTURE
ROBBING THEIR PAST
RUNNING AS FAST AS THEY CAN
IN THE OTHER DIRECTION
LEAVING ME ALONE
MY EMOTIONS BEING DRAINED
ONCE AGAIN

Just a bunch of crap

do you love me unconditionally?
would you die for me
do you love me willingly
would you love me even at my worst
do you love me when im cranky
would you love me when I screw up dinner
do you love me when im crying and scared
would you love me when i am independant
do you love me for real
would you spend your life with me
and love me forever

The air is going crisp
fall is fading to winter
the rain is growing colder
only a matter of time before
it turns white
covering the ground in thick blankets
numbing my face
and my heart
that yearns to be beside you
the warmth you bring
your infectious smile
is the only thing that sets my heart and mind ablaze
youre the last thing I expected in my life
so good
and clean
your love washing away the frosty numbness
bringing that glimmer of hope
making me heat up with emotion
melting
away this pending winter frost

Ive found the love of my life...
He is so far away
The pain of being apart
Its almost too hard to bare sometimes
Those eyes beckoning me
comforting me in my turbulant and miserable times
You bring me out...
I used to say
Fuck this world
and everyone in it
I didnt believe that love could really happen to me
Until you
Thats when the color came back into my life
the beauty
Youve shown me...a better way
Opened my eyes
my heart
and my mind
I love you
for this.
and all the other experiences
our future holds
The good and bad things
The ugly and beautiful things
I want to share them all
with you
The love of my life

Q&A

I got this from some other guy's blog and thought it was kinda neat it's just a bunch of questions to answer and hopefully someone will see them and answer them..Pass em along

1.What is your name? Erica
2.Color of the pants you are currently wearing? Blue Jeans
3.What are you listening to right now? Bill O'Reilly on FOX news and the hum of my computer
4.What was the last thing you ate? Ice cream and apples
5.Favorite time of the day? between 230-4am
6.What color crayon are you? Midnight blue
7.How is the weather right now? typical fall day
8.Last person you talked to on the phone? My dad
9.How are you today? OOOK
10.Favorite drink? Chocolate milk
11.Favorite alcholic drink? Bloody Mary's
12.Favorite sport? Hockey
13.Hair color? Brown
14.Eye color? hazel
15.Contacts or glasses? None yet
16.Number of siblings? 1 and a half
17.Favorite month? October
18.Favorite food? Pickles
19.Last movie watched? Family guy-Stewie the untold story
20.Favorite day of the year? Halloween
21. What do you do to vent? Write like the dickens
22.Favorite childhood toy? My make believe kitchen set
23.Summer or winter? Both...There are lots of cool things you can do in both summer and winter
24.Hugs or kissses? Both...you can't have one without the other
25.Chocolate or vanilla? Both...depends on what Im in the mood for
26.What you like most about your partner (my soulmate)? He fills my empty spaces and makes me laugh
27.Who is mostly to respond to this? I donno
28.Least likely? People who have a life
29.Living arrangements? Living with the wrath in 2 bedroom apartment.
30.When was the last time you cried? Last night
31.What is under your bed? Probably one of the cats..and other assorted junk
32.Who is he friend youve had the longest? ME
33.What did you do last night? Jack shit
34.Favorite smell? Camp fire
35.Who inspires you? My brightspot
36.What are you afraid of? Being alone
37.Plain, buttered, or salted popcorn? a little bit o butter an salt
38.Favorite car or truck? 69 nova ss
39.Favorite flower? I like all flowers
40.Number of keys on your key ring? 5..one for the security door..one for the apartment door..one for the bedroom door..and one for the lockbox and the mail key
41.Can you juggle? NOPE
42.Favorite day of the week? Everyday I get to talk to my brightspot
43.What did you do on your last birthday? Went downtown and played pool
44.Do you own a donor card? Nope..everytime I can get one I get a new tatoo or peircing which prohibits me from donating blood. Plus Im a woose.

Now here comes the guilt part of todays programming

I swear to god he's fkn crazy
one minute he is treating me like a peice of shit
the next hes begging me not to leave
Im so angry it boggles my mind
How anyone can go to that extreme in a meer matter of hours
Im wondering if its me
do I set him off

Is it even really me?
then he plays on my sympathy for him
and then the guilt rolls in

am I allowed to be happy
am I a bad person



FUCK THAT BULLSHIT
Im not going to live my life scared
to take the wrong step
always having to put myself away


all I need is my sun by my side
and my ever growing confidence and independance

First kisses

Imagining our first kiss
the butterflys in my stomach come alive
Tickling me on the inside
Your hands cradling my face
you looking deep into my eyes telling me you love me with out words
Thinking of how it will be when your soft lips grace mine
slow
exploring
taking our breath away
making us giggle with content
comming back again for another taste
parting my lips letting you in
discovering each others tongues
making me lose my breath once again
melting into you

Greedy Jealousy

When you arent with me..my heart feels like its being split..in two
I get so fucking jealous...when I know others get to experience you
Am I being selfish?
Needy
Just regular old crazy me
I am afraid..my want for you..my desire..my love for you is going to push you away
before this even starts
Why must I be so needy
So damned self conscious
You fill my voids...my uncomfortableness...me
and when youre gone...all I have are thoughts of you
to fill what empty parts I have
its like a fog...that slowly dissapates throughout the day
and then my greed for you
takes over
returns....for another day...

Lovers

You and I

Brightspot

You're my brightspot
the one thing besides sleep
and dreaming that keeps me going
during these hellishly lonely days
You're personality shines through this darkness
like a beacon in the night
so beautiful so hopeful
keeping me going during this aweful tempest
your light calms
the storms within me
making me want to walk to the ends of the earth for just
a speck of your light
to feel the warmth
to bathe in your raw passion and emotion
that i have numb to for so long
im drawn to your light like a moth to a flame
ignoring the storm churning and crashing around me
keeping my eyes on your light
falling deeper
under your beautiful spell

Marks smile

Soulmates

Soulmates you say
I never thought I could be good enough
for someone like you
Now you are telling me we are on the same plane
Hard to believe hard to accept
Are you sure about my soul?
so frayed and broken
dont know if it will hold up long enough
for me or anyone to repair it
if it can be repaired at all

Tempest

VNV NATION

"Tempest"

These are not words, they're only feelings. There are no sounds that you can hear. There is no form that you can touch. There are no colors for you to see. The only sound is a distant thunder. A tempest rages so far away from me. I walked for miles and I started running Towards the sound and storm where you might find me. And I ran until I had the feeling That the Tempest I had heard surrounded me. Here my heart so filled with loving Cried out and told of wonders that I feel. Here my heart is so filled with loving. And I tell myself, I keep repeating That your ways are bringing you to me. And I tell myself, I keep repeating That your ways are bringing you to me. And I tell myself, I keep repeating That your ways are bringing you to me, That I will find my true salvation, That these ways of mine are bringing you to me. Because here my heart so filled with loving Crying out the wonders that I feel. Here I will find my true salvation And my ways are bringing you to me And I tell myself, I keep repeating That your ways are bringing you to me.

Your Hidden Power Is Water

You have a rather calm soul, but when tempted
will get pissed off at those who bug you. You
do whatever you can in your powers to help
those of your allies and have a okay taste for
human kind, but you find them rather annoying
on occasions.

Gem Stone: Saphire, Eye Color:Ice
Blue,Hair Color:Dark Blue that's long
that goes to your waist.

Quote:If you wait for meThen I'll come for you. Although I've travelled
far, I always hold a place for youIn my heart. If you think of me, If you miss me
once in a while, Then I'll return to you. I'll
return and fill that space in your heart

What Is Your True Hidden Power? .::Beautiful Anime Pics::.
brought to you by No comments:

cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed

What Sign of Affection Are You?
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Aryan Bear

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
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