Baby day....creepy.

Today I woke up, talked to Mik for a while, looked out my window and my roommates husband was still him. With her being 9 months pregnant I figured something has to be up, so I took myself downstairs with Mik on the line and saw her kid sitting on the couch watching cartoons. "Aren't you going to school?" I asked. "I dunno, where's my mom?" she responded. I told her I thought she was upstairs and off she went to find out what the deal is. Kids are so great for that. Their investigative nature overpowering their hypnosis with the TV. She comes running back downstairs and says, "my mom thought her water broke but it didn't". I kept thinking how can you mistake your water breaking, it either does or it doesn't. So I went about my morning business, eating breakfast and getting ready for work.

I came down stairs to pack up the rest of my lunch and was surprised to see her standing outside walking around with the dog. I opened the sliding glass door and said I had thought she would be laying down! She began to tell me her water really did break and she was walking around to try and get things moving along. Well that was great news, this baby has been highly anticipated. I am so excited. I love babies! I seriously can't wait to have children of my own.

After she came in from being outside she told me she got a call from her doctor saying she needed to come to the hospital to be checked and they were going to induce labor seeing as her due date is tomorrow anyway. I told her I wanted to pray for her and baby, so I layed a hand on her belly and asked God to keep her and the baby safe and healthy that the birthing process would be as pain free as possible and that everything went quickly. I swear I was so excited I could burst.

As I was walking to work this morning, I usually have a half hour or so I can just think about everything going on. Maybe a bit like meditation I suppose. Sometimes I pray, sometimes I just lose myself in thoughts. I thought, last year at this time on this very day I was in the hospital, in the delivery room with my exes daughter, stroking her head, giving her soothing encouragement as she had a C-section. We cried together when her son finally was born..it was an amazing time. I was also so sad because I knew my time with them was going to be short, as I was making my mind up to start my life over and to break free of the chains my ex had wrapped firmly around me. I hated myself. Sometimes I still do for abandoning them. But I had to do what I needed to do for myself. It was either that or live a life of complete misery, of abuse, of sheer hell.

Then I kept thinking, how different my life is now, I am working, I am clean, I have true love, I have a life. It's been such a long hard journey for me. I pray I can keep strong and continue on the path that I've been on this past year.

A place has been booked. I have no idea what it looks like. Pictures will be coming within the next "couple of days". I am sure Mik has picked a suitable venue for our wedding and I trust him fully. So I am excited to see what this place looks like.

To be continued....

Coffee ban starts tommorow.

K folks, I am officially sick of coffee. Today was my last day of coffee drinkin'. At least for a very long time. I mean you have to know when you get a steaming hot cup of Gloria Jeans coffee and you don't finish it, it's time to stop. I even tried something different today and it just made me sick in the end. So if I go into G.J.'s coffee shop it will be for caffeine free tea. Besides, when I drop 2.00$ per cup, it's definitely getting out of hand. So I look at it like I am saving a bunch of money! Twelve dollars a week/48 dollars per month! I can buy that digi cam I want for that amount. So anyways, I am off the coffee.

Jaquey la poop

There's nothing cuter than wet cats/kittens.

Trouble in Marriage Planning-ville

The photos I had posted previously of our wedding spot have been nulled and voided. The people who own the place had decided to sell it. "Why?", You ask, because they are doing so well they can't keep the place up. I know, it doesn't make one lick of sense to me either that they have to dash a newly engaged couples daydreams about having our wedding there. But alas, it's not to be. So, we were considering another spot before we found this place. It's called, Auchendarroch. * *
The name Auchendarroch is Scottish-Gaelic for "holy place of the oaks"

Don't get me wrong the place is beautiful. We just had our hearts set on Lavande. It was more personable, a lot less expensive, just more us. Mik will take photos when he goes up there this weekend. Until then, this is what I have to give the peeps where we are talking about.

Such is life, I am sure things will work themselves out. It doesn't really matter where we have it as long as we are together with each other as well as our friends and family.

Jeanne

So, today is the anniversary of my grandmas passing. I've really been trying to bury myself in the sand. I want to avoid feelings for today. I am sure at another time when I have my support (Mik) it will all come out of the flood gates. I've just kind of been trying to keep all my cries inside for a bit, because when I cry, I really want someone to be there. To hold me. To tell me every things going to be alright and this pain and guilt I feel will ease at some point. A friend of mine offered to take me to where my grandmother is buried. At first I was right on board with the idea. But after awhile of thinking of it, I am just not ready. Although it was sweet sentiments, I just can't imagine myself breaking down and being how I need to be in front of her. It's not the right time. Although I know it will be a couple of years before Mik and I can come back to the states for a visit and it's probably an avoidance of the event, I need someone who is going to be strong with me. Mik has been there since the beginning. He knows of all the hurt I've felt and the inner workings of why I feel the way I do.

The reason I am here today has something to do with her death. Also a lot to do with Mik as well. But her death really pushed me over the edge. I decided that I had created enough BS in my life that it was time to grow up and be responsible. Meaning, get a job, get clean, and work toward goals. Mik was key in that as well by always telling me how he thought I could do it. How he was so proud of me for getting through all the other trials in my life. How he knew I was a strong woman despite how I felt about myself. I knew if my grandmother knew what kind of situation I was living in she would have told me the same, to encourage me to become independent and take on life clean and sober.

That's when I moved here to Rochester, it will be one year clean in November. I work, and I am an independent woman. I love life a lot more today than I did this time last year. I didn't want to live, or make any hard choices. But I've come out of that. My grandmother helped me so much in seeing that. It's just sad that it took her passing away for me to see it. I really would have loved for her to meet Mik. She would have loved him, especially with his Australian accent I am sure of it.

Yayyy, today I send out all my paperwork! Soon and very soon, we will be submitting our application for my Visa. It only took seven months of despair and preparation to gather everything that needed to be gathered. Everyone thought I'd be over there within a couple of months. Mik and I knew that it wasn't going to be that easy. We have endured some major crap in our quest to spend the rest of our lives together. So I am pretty sure we can handle just about anything the Lord has to throw at us.